The Fat Kids' Guide to Womanizing

Knowing When to Say "No"

2008-12-05T18:28:06Z

So in addition to dating two great girls, I had a brief fling with a much younger woman who is absolutely gorgeous. She was easily one of the most attractive women I've ever been with, which distracted me from some of the red flags indicating that this wouldn't be more than a fling. I think we all fall into this trap from time to time. The more successful we get, the more attractive and desirable women we have in our lives and the more quickly we lose perspective about how we got where we are. Two years ago, I would never have believed that I'd be where I am now, and I'd have had unquenchable crushes on half the women I've placed permanently into the friend-zone for various reasons.

In the case of my fling, she's been a good friend for a long time. When we finally got together, it absolutely blew my mind because she really is gorgeous. Regardless, she's much younger than I am, which comes with a heaping dose of potential problems. After allowing myself to be blinded by my success with her, I finally took a step back and realized that it wasn't going to go anywhere good. I hope that I stepped back before making a complete ass out of myself. I'm not even particularly upset about it because I'm still dating two very cool girls, neither of whom seem to be anxious to make things more exclusive or serious. It's hard to be upset with that.

Competing with wussies and other thoughts on how to effectively shoot fish in a barrel

2008-11-11T18:01:35Z

One of the two women I'm dating, we'll call her "Colorado" met me after having a short fling with another guy. She's kept the guy in her life, despite having made a number of comments to me about how annoying he's become. In a previous life, I'd be insecure about the fact that she's keeping him around and feel the need to compete with this guy for her attention and affection. This is very beta behavior and I certainly don't feel the need to do it any more. This is probably one of the most significant transformations of my personality I've undergone since starting this journey, one that we should all undergo.

It helps that she's one of two women I'm dating. It also helps that I have plenty of other dating options if she decides she wants to part ways. More to the point, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me; there are plenty of other fish in the proverbial sea. This mind set is essential to keeping your game tight. Allowing yourself to get too attached to a particular girl, especially prematurely is a recipe for driving her away, which is what my "competition" is actively doing. Let's compare and contrast approaches keeping in mind that what I say about his tactics is largely second-hand information provided by Colorado.

The two of them met at a Halloween party and hooked up for the weekend. He is apparently from out of town and lives approximately 4 hours away. On the basis of a weekend's tryst, he's trying to get her to relocate to his town and move in with him. After their first time together, he showed up to see her bearing flowers and truffles. Apparently he also gained access to her computer and sent himself an email from her account so that he could keep in touch with her that way. Aside from extremely bad boundary issues and generally creepy behavior, I think we can all see the reasons this guy is driving her away.

My approach with Colorado has been almost a polar opposite. At the time I met her, I was about to perform so my head space had nothing to do with meeting women. I was already apparently in the company of two very attractive women so I had plenty of social proof and higher social value. I've made it clear that my social calendar is already very busy (which it is) and so we don't see each other very often, perhaps once or twice a week. I rarely call her except to make plans and I've made it clear that I don't do SMS text messages. In short, I've set very clear boundaries with her which she seems perfectly content to respect.

The effect of the difference in our approaches is that Colorado is annoyed by the other guy's behavior and very responsive to me. She tells me that she considers me a challenge and that she likes how in control of her I am. I also don't express any negative or jealous-sounding sentiments about this other guy's attention towards her. I tease her about it lightly, but I don't harp on it. Meanwhile, his reaction to me is pretty negative. Apparently he's even expressed the desire to fight me and has gone so far as to ask her "what does he have that I don't?" Knowing that she was going to spend the evening with me last Friday, he made sure to call her pretty early on Saturday morning while she and I were still in bed. Again, I was amused but she was pissed. Poor guy, he just doesn't understand.

Now, admittedly, there is some question as to why she's maintaining any contact with this guy and I suppose if it really bothered me much I could analyze it. I'm sure she appreciates the attention even if it can be annoying. If I were more into her at this point, I suppose this would be a red flag for me, but its only been a week and that's far too soon to get very attached. He'll play his game, she'll play hers and I'll play mine.

On and on

2008-11-06T21:07:07Z

I'm absolutely exhausted as I'm writing this but my mind is reeling and I feel like I need to put what I'm feeling down. Last night, I spent the night with the new girl. It was unintentional, but I don't regret it at all. We had an amazing time. Once again, all the work I've done on sexual communication really paid off. So much so that she's labeled me a "God among men" when it comes to sex. As much of an ego boost as it is to kiss-close a girl, it doesn't even approach being told that.

Where things get very interesting is that, I'm now getting text messages from the other girl I'm dating. She and I haven't seen each other much in the past two weeks because she went on vacation and is now working at a conference in town. Before she left, we had a wonderful encounter that didn't go all the way, but gave her a few things to think about. We didn't talk about it when she got back, I just waited to see if there would be a reaction. Today, the text messages confirmed that yes, our last time together was very much in her mind, and she is looking for a repeat performance tonight. My mind is blown.

Considering the guy I was even two years ago, this is a monumental improvement. I simply can't imagine ever going back to the way I was before. The only down side is that I haven't seen much sleep in awhile.

Success Redux

2008-11-05T16:44:43Z

I was riding pretty high on my successes this week, but last night really cemented how far I've come in my journey. It was a validation of all the material I've learned and struggled to incorporate into who I am. While I still need to keep in mind that I have a long road still ahead, its fulfilling to reap the rewards of milestones earned.

Last night I called the girl who approached me at the comedy showcase and met her for a drink. Although I wasn't originally intending to meet up with her that night, the plan worked out great. We had a pot of tea at a local independent and appropriately snobby coffee shop, and then moved to a bar. I had a series of planned transitions so as to cram 2-3 mini-dates into the evening assuming things went well. Each time, I had an out planned as well just in case things started to go badly.

It was clear from the beginning that she was very into me, and also nervous. Considering how I grew up, to have this happen was hugely flattering because this girl is very good looking. Knowing how into me she was, and knowing that I'm already successfully in with another girl, it was very easy to be casual and in control of the evening. This turned out to be an extremely important mind set.

At the bar, I started getting very serious IOIs and knew that there were green lights ahead. However, in our conversation, she mentioned that she had recently had several casual flings with guys who were obviously deeply in the AFC category. I knew that success would depend on me demonstrating how different I was from these guys. I made sure to set conversational boundaries and then after a little kino escalation, I told her that while I was enjoying her company, she was absolutely not going to get laid tonight. Fortune favors the bold and this comment suddenly rendered the "doggy dinner bowl" expression we've all read so much about.

At that point, it was time to move to another more private place, but I knew that moving to her place or mine would be too uncomfortable. Instead we went for a walk along the riverwalk and ended up making out for a long while. She turned our first kiss into an aggressive one, that I immediately broke from and softly told her to slow down. All of the sexual communication material that David DeAngelo has should be required listening for any guy doing this journey. It didn't take long before she needed to take a deep breath and put up some last minute resistance. Again, I re-iterated that while I was enjoying her, I was not going to have sex with her that night. Setting that boundary myself meant that I took it away from her and showed her again that I was in complete control. Another boundary I set was when she bit my neck a little hard and commented that she liked to leave marks. I assured her that it would not be in her best interest to do that with me. She replied playfully asking "what if it was an accident" and again I shut her down saying that those kinds of marks are never accidents and re-affirmed that it would not be a good idea for her to do it. She commented on this a little bit later, expressing just how different I was from the guys she had recently been involved with and how she could walk all over them, but that I was a challenge.

To me, this is validation of everything that we learn about pick-up artistry. This woman sees me as a challenge, as someone of high status who will not simply let her run roughshod over me because I find her attractive. It will be extremely important for me to maintain this dynamic, something that I feel I can do because, while I definitely dig her, I also dig the other woman I'm dating, and I'm not eager to jump into anything serious with either of them right now. It will be essential for me to maintain my frame with both women and to ensure that I'm completely casual about dating them both. Part of that will involve setting boundaries with them both. I'm already very busy, so making time to spend with both of them will be a challenge, but it will also help me focus and not get too wrapped up in either of them. Right now, however, I intend to bask in the glory of the moment for a little bit longer because after what I've been going through emotionally, this feels _very_ good.

Epic success!

2008-11-03T15:30:52Z

As a side effect of this journey, I decided on a whim to try my hand at doing stand-up comedy. My thought process was to go do an open-mic performance one time just to see if I could hold my nerve. At the time, my schedule was pretty hectic so I held it in the back of my mind, worked on some material and then after a few weeks, went to the club and put my name on the list. Through a twist of fate, I was able to go up that night and perform. Despite being extremely nervous and in the presence of some very seasoned comics, I made it through and by all accounts did very well, although I remember very little about that night.

What followed was a slowly increasing interest in doing stand-up comedy as a hobby as a way of building up my confidence in groups. I found as I slowly got better with my comedy acts, my personality off-stage similarly improved. I've always been pretty social, but where I'm at now makes my previous self seem like an awkward introvert. Standing up on stage, even just doing a 4 minute open-mic set for 15 people, running the risk of completely bombing and being boo'ed off stage has effectively killed any approach anxiety I ever had. I can now approach anyone, any time, for any reason and that's liberating as hell.

I never really intended to use comedy, in the direct sense, as a springboard for meeting women; it was always meant to be a tool for building up some of the interpersonal skills I could then use in other places. Even so, I have heard many times, and it makes sense when you factor in Mystery's discussion of being the leader of your tribe, that doing something like successfully performing on stage, can also have direct benefits in attracting women.

Last night I performed at a showcase of local comics. I was asked to perform based on the strength of my open-mic material and it was really a great validation of the work I've been doing on my comedy to have been invited. At the last minute, two very dear, very attractive female friends of mine showed up to watch me perform. I did my set, which went very well, and then afterwards sat down in front with a hot girl on each side to watch the rest of the show. Afterwards, one of the other comics came up to let me know that his female room mate thought I was cute and wanted him to put us in contact. What an amazing feeling that was!

Breaking it down, I can see how the whole evening really worked in my favor. When I first talked to the girl, it was very brief as part of a larger group. I made a comment or two and then immediately moved on. This is exactly the kind of behavior we are supposed to be using anyhow in large mixed groups, but I did it naturally, without thinking about it, because I was getting geared up for my set. This must have first piqued her interest. Then, having a successful set only further served to demonstrate higher value, which was then set in stone when I spent the rest of the evening in the company of the two most attractive women in the building. None of this was planned of course, but in some ways that makes it more of a success.

Considering the emotional hardships I've been doing through lately, this was a nice reminder of how powerful the PUA material is, and how happy I am to have it as a part of my life. It also means that my social life may very well be pretty busy for awhile. What a shame!

A long time coming, and a long road ahead

2008-10-20T15:54:17Z

I've held off with this post for awhile because the emotions were still pretty raw and my feelings about it weren't entirely organized. I'm in a much more philosophical frame of mind now and feel I can do the story the objective justice it deserves.

Around May, my girlfriend's mother became extremely sick. So sick, in fact, that my girlfriend was forced to fly back to Australia to be with her. It's since become clear that, while her mother will make a full recovery eventually, the road to recovery is going to be long and arduous. My girlfriend's family needed her, and she didn't hesitate to tear up her roots here to move home and do what needed to be done. Her willingness and ability to make such a huge sacrifice on behalf of her family has only confirms what an amazing woman she is. Of course, it also put some strain on our relationship.

Prior to her mom getting sick, my girlfriend and I had been talking about moving in together. I was also making more concrete plans around us. With her relocation back to Australia, all of that had to change. Her emotional focus needed to be on her family and her mom's recovery. While I was certainly willing to entertain the idea of relocating myself to Australia as well, it wasn't something as simple and packing a couple of bags and buying a ticket. It became clear that we would have some protracted time apart. During that time, we fell out of connection with each other. Long distance is hard enough, especially when being on almost exactly opposite time zones, but the addition of the emotional trauma and shock inflicted by her mom's illness, has taken the spark out of the woman I've been in love with. Both seeing what was happening, we put our relationship on hold, broke up and agreed to stay in touch and stay friends.

While seemingly a contrary move, this was the best decision at the time for us both, but it wasn't easy. I think its clear from my previous posts the depths of the feelings I have for this woman. I made the decision because I know that she needs to focus her emotional attention on her family and on re-building her life and career back in Sydney. The last thing she needs is to contend with trying to maintain a relationship across the world. I know that if there is to be a chance for her and I later, that ending things when we did was the right choice. She can work on the things she needs to do, and I can do what I need as well. If its meant to be, we'll find a way.

In the meantime, I've been spending a lot of time dusting off my game, reviewing some of my study material and going out. While I'm not doing any serious hunting, just going out and running game has helped improve my attitude about where things stand for me. I've also come to the conclusion that, while guys like Mystery can be very successful with women on the initial meeting, eventually the cracks in their facade show through and the women lose interest. They are giving the appearance of substance, without the actuality of it. It's a stage performance, a very effective one. While I have a deep respect for their craft, I know that for myself, its much more important to me to have actual substance. For that reason, I intend to be spending a lot of time working through the David DeAngelo Inner Game and Mastery material. I'm also doing some other self-improvement things just for myself. I'm happy and content right now, taking every thing one day at a time.

Sharing is Caring

2008-07-11T15:14:54Z

I've seen this happen with a few guys lately and the most recent example screams for me to write about it. A certain class of guys seems completely incapable of being separated from a woman he's involved with while in social settings. You see this behavior at parties where the guy shadows his wife or girlfriend around as she socializes with their friends. In fact, this behavior is so commonplace that its become fodder for social satire. I used to assume that this was behavior bred into men over years of being in a relationship with a woman. I even used to use analogies like the jungle cat who has been captured and put into a zoo, slowly becoming docile and domesticated over the years of seeing life through the bars of a cage. Unfortunately, I've learned the error of my thinking. At least in some cases, this behavior pre-exists the relationship. Take, for example, the case of a female friend of mine.

We'll call her "Katie". She's stunningly attractive. She's also a very sweet girl with lots of charm and intelligence. Most guys would consider her to be a complete catch, which is why she has no shortage of guys circling for an opportunity to date her. The most recent guy, we'll call "Vance" was introduced to her at a dance. Apparently Vance can't dance, but he gave it the old college try and I respect that a lot. Unfortunately, Vance has since expressed a desire to be the only guy who dances with her. Bad Vance, no biscuit!

Is it any wonder that I'm going to be spending the evening in the company of this lovely woman and Vance isn't? No, this isn't one of those self-aggrandizing comparison posts. I'm not even pursuing this girl romantically. The reason she's going out tonight and leaving him at home is that Vance apparently never mastered the founding principle of pre-school social interaction: sharing. By trying to monopolize her time, Vance demonstrated low value and low self-esteem. A high value guy doesn't want or need to monopolize the time of a desirable woman, he has access to plenty of them; a high value guy doesn't need to be possessive.

Women, especially attractive, highly desirable woman are regularly exposed to every possible archetype of guy. The very smart ones can quickly extrapolate out what a relationship with each new guy would be like. By demonstrating low value, neediness and low-self esteem, a relationship with Vance, at least from Katie's perspective, is likely to be an endless series of awkward social encounters where she has to pull his weight as well as her own. Or, even worse, she'll have to sacrifice her social agenda and friends because Vance isn't comfortable with her going out with anyone other than him. Vance may not fit this mold. He could be a genuinely good guy. Unfortunately, he may never get the chance to demonstrate that. He's already got a solid strike against him and that may be all that Katie needs to move on to the next contender for her attention. If only he'd learned to share.

Case Study for Failure: Dmitri the Phone-Flop

2008-06-30T16:44:47Z

I came across one of the most complete and comprehensive examples of utter failure on YouTube today. This video has been making its way around all the viral meme sites and so I'm sure you've probably seen it before. If you haven't, I'm including it in all its glory here. What makes it extra special is that this guy has clearly done some work with PUA material. Unfortunately for him, he obviously hasn't internalized any of the lessons. Also, he suffers from a very overdeveloped sense of himself and he hasn't learned when to shut up. Here's the video, and we'll talk more after the jump:

So, let's talk about this a little. When you call a woman, confidence is a great thing to have. Over-confidence is not. There's a fine line between "cocky" and "asshole". Leaving a voice mail for a woman that you've only had a 2-minute conversation with isn't a good place to push the limit as you have had no opportunity to really calibrate. Where Dmitri really falls flat here is that he's not actually confident, and it becomes painfully obvious. When guys are not confident, they tend to talk WAY more than they should. They ramble. If you do this on the phone with a woman you barely know, every second that ticks by and every inane thing that comes out of your mouth causes whatever interest she had in you to fade rapidly. Messages should be short, sweet and to the point.

Keep self-aggrandizing talk out of it. Women, especially attractive, desirable women, have heard just about every story a guy can tell about how great he is or how cool his life is. Guys who have cool lives, lake houses, million dollar yachts or who work on movies don't throw that out there the second they meet someone. Having these things is a part of who they are and they don't need to advertise it. If you try to, even if you do work in movies or own a yacht, you come across as a liar. Remember than really attractive, desirable women have had every line in the book thrown at them. Most of them have actually been with guys who live cool lives. They notice details. They can smell the bullshit.

Let's expand on this point a little. Saying too much will always hurt you. Women like mystery, that excites them. Calling a woman and expounding for 5-10 minutes about how busy you are and all the things you're doing kills the mystery and sounds like bullshit. People who are that busy rarely have 5-10 minutes to leave a voice mail. More importantly, people who are that busy never have time to make a second phone call days later to follow up. If you leave a message for a woman and she doesn't return your call, don't ever call her back. Remember that you're far too busy with the other women in your life to waste time waiting and hoping for one particular one to call you back. It smacks of neediness and what David DeAngelo calls the "wuss factor".

In the same vein, you never want to tell a woman how attractive, desirable and selective you are. This is what Mystery talks about as "social proof". Being seen in a club or out with many different attractive women having a good time tells women all they need to know about how desirable and attractive you are. Having a good female wing who can help sell you up only helps this process. Never say something that can easily be demonstrated by your actions and behavior.

Lastly, and I kept this one because its the most important rule. Never, ever become abusive or hateful. I'm a firm believer in karma, but even if you're not, this youtube video is an excellent example of your hatefulness turning around and biting you in the ass. If a woman rejects you, even if she's hateful to you, don't reciprocate. If a woman doesn't call you back, don't leave messages on her voice mail accusing her of mental instability. In addition to killing even the slimmest chance you had of ever hearing from her again, there's a very good chance that she'll share her experience with you with all of her friends and there's a very good chance that you'll run into one of those friends at some point when its lease convenient for you.

Don't be a Dmitri. Don't be a douche.

Don't Drink and Game

2008-06-18T15:19:49Z

Last night I was invited to a dinner party at a friend's house and had the opportunity to meet a girl he'd just started dating. The dinner party was good times, and gave me an opportunity to witness, up-close and personal a guy make a complete jackass out of himself. Now, admittedly, this isn't exactly a new phenomenon, you can see this kind of thing at any bar or club from 1am to last call, but this was the first time I've had a chance to see a guy go the full range from being a relatively interesting guy to being a complete blithering idiot in the course of a few hours.

The dinner party was a mixed group including several guys I'd never met before. I knew all the girls except the new one. We were all drinking, although most of us maintained a little more moderation than others. Unfortunately, when the new girl showed up, there was a decent amount of ogling because she is an attractive girl. Unfortunately, as the liquor set in, especially with one guy, that old game of attempting to impress the girl with self-aggrandizing stories started. It's never good to see and women definitely know about this game and they're rarely impressed. Again, if the girl isn't already attracted to you, you can't build attraction by telling her stories about how great you are. Further, if you're drunk, your judgement about what stories to tell and your sense of humor is going to be impaired.

In a nutshell, the drunk guy made a bit of an ass out of himself. He was clearly trying to make points with his buddy's girlfriend which is never a cool move, plus he was failing in a major way. The fact that he was wearing a wedding ring only helped catapult him into the realms of douchebaggery.

Just say "no"

2008-06-17T22:11:56Z

I've recently run into a couple of women who can't be happy with plans and instead try to get you to deviate from existing plans, apparently just to inflate their own egos and demonstrate your willingness to cave. David DeAngelo talks about this, but I'd never personally experienced it. Then suddenly I did.

This girl is a friend and I was making plans for a group outing where I was going to introduce her to a male friend of mine. The outing was planned, people were invited and then she tries the whole "what if we went to this other place instead?" Gentlemen, this is a ploy. This is what Mystery calls a "shit test" where she's trying to see if you'll submit to her boorish behavior like all other guys. Since I'm not interested in her, and have more self-respect than that, of course I immediately told her no and she calmly submitted.

There's no reason to make a capital case out of it or call her on it. When a woman tries this ploy with you, whether you're head over heels for her or not, the answer is always "no". In fact, think of her as a small child trying to do something bratty. There's no reason to get upset, its what bratty children (and beautiful women) tend to do. Say "no" and hold firm. If she decides she wants to push the issue, then drop your plans with her entirely and make yourself unavailable to her for awhile. See if that adjusts her behavior.

We don't have to take our clothes off - Using your game for the benefit of others

2008-05-05T14:32:50Z

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to go out to a local jazz club for a salsa night. They have them once a month or so and its always a fun time. It has the added advantage of being home territory for me, because I regularly attend so I know the bartenders, the bouncers, most of the regulars and the bands (when there's a live band). I can't emphasize enough how helpful this is for running game. When you are comfortable in a place, it feels like home, and how much easier is it to approach someone when you're comfortable? Also, if you're going around talking to _everyone_ that immediately adds social proof and gives you a chance to warm up. It doesn't take that much to become a regular somewhere, all you need is a good, friendly, outgoing attitude and an occasionally nice tip for the bartenders. Frankly, if you don't have 3 of the 4 of those already going for you, you may want to go back and re-visit the basic material.

What made this weekend especially fun was the realization that just because I'm in a relationship, doesn't mean I have to let my game falter. In fact, its more fun to run game when you have no vested interest in the outcome. You can try new material, experiment with different combinations of routines beyond your tried and true sets and use all the outcomes to the benefit of your friends. Imagine the lack of approach anxiety in this setup. You're on home territory, you don't care if you're successful or not, you're free to try anything, and if you're successful, you hand off to your friends and everyone has a blast. It's a guaranteed good time out.

I started off in a mixed party, just myself and another male friend and 3 very attractive female friends. A little dancing and showing off (hey, it was salsa night) and we rapidly attracted a few other people who wanted to learn how to dance. Also, as usually happens, one of the girls who was out with us ran into a couple of her friends. Gamesmanship comes into play when encouraging the friends to join us. The whole point is to stack a table with as many groups of girls as possible and then just let them run their own way. Women, as a natural course of being women out for a night will filter back and forth between the table and out with other people. If you have enough groups of girls, you manage a nice circular flow of different groups and you practically never have to leave the table to build up social proof. Every other girl who passes the table will see you surrounded by ever-evolving crowds of women and your social-proof becomes gold-standard. Of course, I'm never one to sit idly by. As soon as the table was well-populated, I got up and started meeting new people. Again, its remarkably easy to meet new people when you're already known to be very socially successful by way of having been seen with lots of different women. Since my goal wasn't to meet or close the girls I was meeting for myself, I always made a point of introducing them to whatever male friends happened to be nearby, or I'd relocate the girl to another more convenient location, then button-hole a friend and do introductions. I've never really done that before, but the results are pretty impressive. I'm pretty sure that one of my friends will be starting a relationship with one of the girls last night. I also met a guy who may end up being a professor of mine when I go back to school this fall. I'm guessing his classes will be a lot more fun now.

A Recipe for the Best Birthday Ever

2008-04-28T16:02:20Z

Over the weekend I celebrated my birthday. I usually don't make a big deal out of birthdays. For me its an opportunity to go out with friends and have fun, and since I've been so busy lately, I've neglected the going out with friends for far too long.

The plan was for everyone to meet up relatively early at a local bar. I invited lots of friends from various social groups figuring that people would filter in and out over the course of the night. Since we were arriving before things got really rolling, we were able to get a large table and I immediately took residence up at the head of the table. Remember guys, you're the king of your tribe, sit on the throne. Recently, I'd read a couple of articles on body language, specifically the body language of James Dean. This is echoed by David DeAngelo when talking about how to sit down and spread out, taking up as much room as possible. Since it was my birthday, I did exactly that. I sat back in my chair, rested arms and legs on whatever was available and took up space. I found that as it got louder in the bar, rather than sitting up and leaning forward, instead talking louder and making myself heard had a much more positive effect on the people with me and around me. Imagine that, David DeAngelo, knew what he was talking about.

Next item of business, dancing. Yes, I realize most guys don't dance. I do. Even more to the point, I have no issue getting up on an empty dance floor with a girl and owning it. Fortunately, a few of my friends are avid dancers, consummate show-offs, and hot girls. The band in question started playing an up-tempo bluesy number and so I took this girl up and we danced. In order to pull this off successfully, you have to be completely unaware of the audience watching you. Remember, you're the king of the tribe, you can do no wrong. If you happen to have a gorgeous girl or two around to help build that up, so much the better. Oh, and if you're going to go that route, goddamnit, give that girl the sexiest dip at the end. Not only will she be thrilled but 3 or 4 women in the crowd will as well.

When celebrating your birthday out, its important to understand proper free-drink acceptance etiquette. Accept a free drink or shot with grace, thank the person and proceed to toast that person. When toasting a woman, make sure that you and she make eye contact. If she doesn't make eye contact with you, hold off drinking until she does. My personal rule is that I don't tell them what I want if someone is ordering me a drink or shot, they're being nice enough to order it, let them order whatever they want. Most good friends won't give you a bum steer, although occasionally someone will throw a cement mixer in. It's your birthday, you're the king, so show no fear and no negative reaction to whatever's put in front of you. Know your limits however. Staggering drunkeness is never cool. Lastly, if a bouncer buys you a shot, its perfectly acceptable (and pretty alpha) to give him the hand-shake, half hug to say thanks.

Overall it was an excellent night. I spent much of the night enjoying the company of my friends and my girlfriend. I think the only potentially low-point to the evening was when we were leaving a couple of obviously drunk individuals decided to get into a fight right in front of us. It's a hard call on how to handle this. I'm pretty tall and heavy-set and I know how to handle myself, but I don't ever advocate getting physical. In this case, it happened so close that I didn't have a lot of reaction time, also my girlfriend was right behind me and potentially in the line of fire if the fight went beyond a little tussle. With almost no reaction time and my girlfriend possibly at risk, I reacted by grabbing one of the fighters and held him back while the bouncer removed the other guy from the bar. The guy I was holding then was eventually 86'd as well. I'm torn on whether this was the right move or not. My girlfriend, obviously, witnessed the whole thing and I suspect that she was impressed that I was able to handle a physical situation like that, although she may have been non-plussed that I got involved at all. The major saving grace there is that by helping out in a situation like that, the bouncer and the bar staff, who already know me, were very appreciative. I'm sure this will pay off later down the road but for now I'm just glad that everyone had a good night. It was definitely a great evening.

Losing Focus - Don't Backslide into Wussery

2008-04-28T14:09:27Z

It's been a long while since I last updated this journal, but my life has been quite a roller coaster. Things continue to go amazingly well with my girlfriend. One key to this success has been a minimum of backsliding. What I mean by this, and this is something that most PUA gurus warn of is the tendency for guys to think they have things mastered and start to let themselves revert back to the needy, clingy guys they once were. It's a very common mistake to make.

Keep in mind that this isn't a temporary "act" you put on to be successful with women. This is a transformation of your personality. People who go on diets to lose weight are familiar with this same tendency. You diet and exercise conscientiously, eventually you lose the weight you wanted, then you revert to your old eating habits and before long you're back to being overweight. Once you start down this road, you cannot backslide. The repercussions of doing so can be epic.

Imagine successfully pursuing the woman of your dreams. She's everything you wanted, and now she's loving everything about you. If all you did was put on an act to be successful with this woman, then you don't have the underlying self-confidence that you'd need to continue to be successful with her. If you start to doubt yourself, or her feelings for you, those doubts will become immediately evident to her. Women, after all, are incredibly adept at noticing details like this. Eventually that self-doubt will turn into needy behavior and will ultimately drive her away. The saddest part is that you will take this as validation for your self-doubts instead of recognizing that you created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead of allowing yourself to revert, make a pledge to yourself to take what you're learning and internalize it. Don't pretend to be the most interesting guy in the room, actually become him. Say goodbye to the self-doubt and neediness. When you can do these things, the PUA material will become instantly more effective. From there, sky's the limit.

I won't dance, don't ask me

2008-02-08T16:06:48Z

This is a subject that's pretty near and dear to my heart, and a phenomenon that I run into all the time. For some reason, most guys have this complete phobia about dancing. Sure, they're not as opposed to it when its in the middle of a very crowded dance floor and they're bump-and-rubbing against some hottie, but let's face it, if you're reading this blog, then that person isn't you very often. For the rest of us, the idea of getting on a dance floor with some girl is completely unfathomable.

Let me be blunt for a second here gentlemen. When you stand off to the side of the dance floor, shaking your head and backing away while some girl is trying to get you to dance with her, you look like a much bigger douchebag than you'd ever have looked out on the dance floor. Even if you just stumbled through a few steps, you're still out there, holding that girl tight and doing something. Standing off to the side, saying no, and coming up with all your pathetic excuses about why you don't dance shows her, and all the other girls that you're a coward, that you're too self-conscious and that you haven't the foggiest idea how to have fun. In short, no matter how physically attractive you might be, you're not going to get the play you'd get if you went out on the floor. So now that we've established that you're a callow, douche, let's get you on the dance floor.

Whether you're bump and grinding to some hip hop, doing the crazy chicken at some wedding, or in a salsa club, the same rules still apply. Confidence is key. So you don't know how to salsa, or you're doing the crazy chicken arm motions all out of order, who cares? Shoulders back, head up, smile on your face, you're having fun. Maybe you're on the salsa floor and you only know a basic step and a turn. So what? Own those two steps, and the girl will be completely fine with it.

More importantly, imagine what you're missing out on by not dancing. Since we've already established that most guys don't want to dance, that means the ratio of guys to girls on the dance floor is pretty well in your favor. Most places, that have dancing where you need to know the steps, have a lesson beforehand. Show up, take the lesson and meet the ladies. You don't have to have a partner, and you get rotated around a lot. It's an excellent way to learn how to do the steps, and more importantly to meet the ladies who will be out wanting to dance. Once you've taken the class and danced with them, you don't need an opening line, all the hard work is done. They know you, they know you know how to dance, and you're good. It's really that easy. So stop being a douche.

A woman's perspective on nice guys

2008-01-24T12:55:11Z

Again, stolen from the journal of a woman who really has it right on about guys:

I recently came across a post by a man detailing the oft lamented plight of "Nice Guys" such as him. In my younger, less wise days, I made similar remarks of the injustice of being a nice guy. Unfortunately, the truth is nice guys are pretty much shit for anyone but their exact female counterpart.

Beware, I'm about to boldly go into the land of generalities. Being nice or kind or a solid human being doesn't neccesarily make you a Nice Guy. Remember that, otherwise if you're a male and read this and get offended, that means you're probably one of them. Also, I may or may not have written this entire post just to work the closing line in (Note: I avoided the urge to insert lesbian innuendo; even I'm impressed with myself).

Nice guys so often think that being a decent human being will somehow compensate for their average to Brian Peppersesque looks. Guess what, women typically don't get moist at you holding the door open for them. No matter what anyone says, for most people looks matter. If you're trying to climb up the ladder of attractiveness, you damn well better have a lot more to offer than being a swell fella.

Nice guys are fucking boring. You wonder why she's out with the tattooed motorcyclist who jumps off bridges naked while reading Camus and snorting coke? It might not have a future, but it's fun/interesting/different while it lasts. Boldness separates the wheat from the chaff. Life coupled with a boring man is not really an improvement over the single life; not to mention if she's young she's probably still not damaged enough by life to heavily compromise for something "stable." Besides, plenty of women are intelligent enough to dump the straight assholes and plenty of "bad boys" can be charming romantics; just because your lifelong crush's boyfriend cheated on her thirty-seven times and punched her pregnant stomach doesn't mean that's the norm.

It goes without saying that a lot of nice guys are lacking in anything resembling courage. Initiate conversaton? Oh no! Make eye contact with that pretty girl you cry yourself to sleep to nightly but have never so much as whispered to? Eeep! Say anything that will go against the grain, stick up for yourself? That's a little scary! What's worse is that those nice guys who are not like this typically overcompensate, overwhelming someone with attention, verbiage and other excess that hardly merit where the relationship is currently at. One month "anniversary"? A dozen cliched roses for my soulmate, nothing less! Also, "I love you" is uttered way, way before it should be.

Many nice guys lack ambition. You don't want to do anything with your life, you just want to find that special lady and settle down and enjoy life together, right? Good luck pal! Displaying little motivation towards outward growth besides enjoying some ambiguous interests that will likely take place entirely in your own head isn't really fetching. In line with this, many nice guys are also terribly out of touch with reality and how to deal with people and the world around them. Just because you stopped developing socially at the age of thirteen doesn't mean everyone else did, nice guy.

Nice guys are easily walked over by any and everyone. Door, meet mat. First, they don't want to upset their (potential) partner so they readily agree with/accept almost of that person's actions and statements, even to the point they will subjugate their own thoughts and feelings. Fights don't happen, because nice guys give up their position before it can begin. Because of this, nice guys are rarely challenging in any way. Their affection is immediate and constant, their acquiescence to any whim of the woman a given. That's not much fun, it's not ver engaging and it doesn't help her grow in any way either.

And, maybe worst of all, the nice guy LOVES to talk about how nice guys finish last. Hasn't modern day marketing taught you guys ANYTHING? Perception is reality. I guarantee that when most girls hear some guy whining about how nice guys like them can't catch a break, it casts nothing but a negative light. Boohoooooo. Good job reminding them you're a powerless crybaby.

Let's have a case study. I could list many, but this one sticks in my mind. Keep in mind, this fellow made a journal post about his desire to PAY SOMEONE REAL MONEY to edit his OKCupid profile because no women had contacted him yet. Here's a snippet:

"I love and respect all living things. I've been known to contentedly pet a dog or cat for an hour at a time...I enjoy few things more than rocking a child to sleep. I express my love through acts of service for those I care about: I'm the type of person who enjoys doing the dishes and sorting the laundry...I prefer stability to excitement....My own moods cycle with the Moon, and I'm not inclined to wipe away tears in an effort to hide them."

A woman already has one pussy. She doesn't need another.

Beta Behavior and Why Guys Get Dumped

2008-01-17T18:01:24Z

I'm stealing this post from the journal of a woman. It was such an excellent example of male beta behavior

What more can I say?
What more do you want from me?

We're just not a good fit... all your journals, and all your questions- what do you expect them to accomplish? I'm not going to change my mind.
The constant questions are one of the reasons I felt I couldn't be with you anymore... I don't want to have to explain myself and my beliefs all over every day.
I'm sorry but I'm tired.

You told me you were in love with me... I don't believe it at all. No, I don't think you were lying. I believe that you believed it, but honestly, how can you be in love with someone whom you don't understand?

And there, my friend, lies the problem. You never did quite "get me." I don't blame you... I'm pretty damned hard to "get." Maybe in time, you would have... Maybe in time, you would have actually fallen in love with me... But you cannot say "I'm in love with you" to someone you hardly know.

It's not real. It's wanting to be in love, or loneliness, or settling, or something- but it's just not love. Not by my definition, anyway... and therein lies another problem. Our definitions of love aren't the same either. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with your definition... but I cannot share it. I think that is something that all couples need to agree on for ANY kind of romantic relationship to work.

There's a woman out there... who has all the qualities you enjoyed in me... who also shares all of your values, hopes and dreams. It's not me- and you might just miss out on her while you're doing all of this. Every time a door closes- a window opens in it's place... It's extremely unproductive to stare at a closed door.

I'm sorry. I am truly, truly sorry for all the hurt I caused. It makes me sad to think that it would have been better if we never tried. I don't want to feel that way about us. I don't want to regret the good stuff... I don't even want to regret the bad stuff, but I don't know how to help you stop hurting... and that is hurting me.

I do care for you- very much. I want to be your friend. You're a great guy who has added alot of good to my life. It may be selfish of me to want to keep that. I can offer you my friendship in return. Those who have it consider it of value, but I understand if that's not enough for you... But that is all I have to offer... Even if it means losing having you in my life...

I am sorry.

This pretty well says it all guys. The guy this woman is writing about could be just about any AFC. Her comment right at the beginning about always questioning screams of his lack of self-confidence in the relationship. Women pick up on this, and it bugs them immensely. Always having to re-assure someone about how you feel about them wears thin quickly.

Learning when something is over and being able to move on is another key. Have the self-confidence and self-respect to know that there is someone else out there for you. In fact, know that there are many women out there who are a better fit. Be eager to move on and find them. This may take awhile of faking it until you make it, but the rewards and the good times to be had as a result are so completely worth the exercise. Stop dwelling on past relationships and mistakes made.

Decisions, decisions

2008-01-11T17:40:14Z

It's been an extremely long time since my last post, but things have been moving forward remarkably well. After excellent holiday trips with my girlfriend and having introduced her to my family, I think its safe to say that I'm looking at this relationship for the very long term. Of course, there is always a catch.

She's not from the US, has only lived here for about a year, and now is extremely homesick. I try to be very understanding, knowing what its like to live far from home, but living in a completely different country, many thousands of miles away from your family and friends is a whole other level of hard. Although she talks with her family regularly, and her friends semi-regularly, its just not the same as being able to see them. She wants, very badly, to move back to her home country and there-in lies the rub.

I want, very much, to be with her. I want to live with her, move our relationship forward and eventually marry her. Unfortunately, I have some obligations that will not allow me to leave where I live for another 3-4 years. I have asked her to move in with me and live with me while we continue our relationship, knowing full-well that things are very likely to only get better and move forward rapidly. Unfortunately, she's torn.

I know she loves me, and I know the idea of leaving what we have is very, very hard for her. I also know that the idea of not moving home for 3-4 more years is also very, very hard for her. Although it kills me to think that our relationship may end over this, I cannot and will not pressure her to make a decision. I can't pretend to know how hard it would be to live this far from your family and friends, and I know that what I'm asking is a huge sacrifice for her. I can only sit back, understand the ramifications of the decision, be supportive and not pressure her to make a decision in either direction. If she chooses to be with me and make the sacrifice, I don't want her to ever regret that choice or feel like she was coerced into it. Were I to have a similar choice, I certainly wouldn't want to feel pressured.

As it stands, the agreement I've offered is that we live together here while I complete my obligations, and then that we move together back to her home country, permenantly. I don't feel that this would be a difficult sacrifice for me to make, especially considering how I feel about her. She's the girl I've always looked for, the one I dreamed about finding when I started this journey. It's important that I don't screw this up now by pressuring her or being the weak, needy guy I once was.

That's life in the big city

2007-11-29T17:04:04Z

I just got back from a whirlwind trip to New York City. I've never been there, and so the chance to spend the Thanksgiving holiday there with my girlfriend was simply too good to pass up. Mind you, I've been to and lived in other big cities, so I felt like New York wouldn't be a terribly different experience. Needless to say, assumptions are silly things.

I'm not going to spend this post gushing about what a great time I had spending a long holiday with my girlfriend and the romance of touring a big city together. Rest assured that it was the best vacation I've ever taken, and that I had the opportunity to experience two utterly perfect days in a row, coupled along with many very excellent days. That isn't, however, the point of this journal, so I'm not going there.

While in NYC, I saw myriad opportunities that, if I'd been single, would have been far too good to pass up. In fact, because of the holiday weekend and the massive influx of tourists both from the US and from every other country in the world, the number of obviously available, beautiful women was staggering. All it takes is just the ability to step outside yourself a little and make a connection.

Central Park is as gorgeous as you'd expect, and in the fall weather with the leaves changing and the brisk air, it takes on a whole other level of romance. This is a place that, if I were single in NYC, I'd sarge every single day. I was reminded of VH1's "the Pickup Artist" and the walking challenge where the contestants were obliged to try and pick up a woman while walking on a footbridge. Central Park is massive, and bursts at the seams with opportunities to stroll along and chat idly with strangers. Of course dressing the part and not looking like someone who's looking for a handout or trying to sell a fake Rolex is important, but beyond that, the bar for entry is very low. As we walked, I kept seeing opportunities for every opener you can imagine. Simply offering to take a picture for a couple of girls who were trying desperately to take a "self portrait" could easily have been parlayed into a fun time. With such fertile grounds, anyone with a modicum of skill and self-confidence could have been wildly successful. I wish more cities had large parks with the same feel and vibe as Central Park.
Subways are another, more challenging place. I've been told that you can get away with just about anything on a subway in New York because New Yorkers just refuse to respond. This isn't strictly true and I had some great conversations with strangers while riding. Of course its important to not come off like a crazy person, pan-handler or serial rapist, although that's a good agenda to have regardless of where you're meeting women. With a couple of good friends (see also: wings) a subway car could easily have been a coffee shop or bar, ripe with people to try the "jealous girlfriend opener" or something similar.

I'm not going to go on and on about all the places in NYC to pick up women. The fact is that any place, any city, can be a great place to meet women. It's not any easier to approach a strange woman in NYC than it is in BFE, in fact some might argue that its harder, that the women are more sophisticated, or what have you. It's hard, regardless. The point is that the rewards of success are well worth it.

The Grass is Always Greener

2007-11-19T22:47:06Z

When it comes to relationships, especially serious, long-term relationships, the grass is always greener is a pretty typical male point of view. There are plenty of theories on why it is, and there's no point in arguing about it. The fact is that men tend to succumb to the siren's song of the new woman, or the suddenly re-interested old flame.

Lots of guys point out that they're suddenly inundated with new interest when they're in a relationship. Plenty of PUA gurus explain why this is, and even teach techniques for acting this way while being single so as to be more attractive to women. Indeed, these techniques are very effective, even when they're simply a bluff.

Now that I'm deeply involved with someone, my interest, or lack thereof, isn't even a bluff. I have no desire, whatsoever, to stray from the woman I'm with. Maybe it speaks to my character, maybe its just a sign of being an adult, or maybe its just a passing phase closely associated with being in love. It really doesn't matter. What is interesting, however, is how suddenly I've got a lot of new female interest. This has come from two fronts: ex-girlfriends and random strangers.

The ex-girlfriend interest was very strange to me, because I generally don't retain a friendship with women that I've dated. There are a handful that I still talk to with any sort of regularity and only a couple I still count as friends. All of those women are aware of my new girlfriend and most are aware of the depth of my feelings for her. What's strange is that two of them have really made obvious, but not overt, attempts to test that resolve. One of them was the girl who originally broke my heart and sent me on this journey to begin with, so I have to admit that I'm getting a little dark pleasure from her suddenly rekindled interest, regardless of how fruitless its going to prove for her.

The random stranger factor was more expected. I went out with a mixed group of friends on Friday, including several extremely attractive women. I'm good friends with everyone and was just simply enjoying their company and having a pleasant night out. It was strange for me to look around every so often and notice the overt stares I was getting from other women in the bar. In the past, I could have easily opened these women and probably been successful with at least one of them, if not a few. I just simply wasn't interested, which led to a really interesting encounter with one of these ladies later at the bar.

I was weaving my way amongst tables and she reached out and stopped me. So I looked down at her with eyebrows raised and she invited me to sit down. *shrug* Why not, so I do. Introductions were made and then she looks directly into my eyes and asks if I noticed her looking at me earlier. I indicated that I had, and she wanted to know why I hadn't come talk to her. I replied that I'm not in the habit of picking up on women when I have a girlfriend. Oddly, I figured this would end the conversation, but no, it only sparked it. She asked which of the women I was with was my girlfriend, and I told her that my girlfriend was out of town at the moment, not out with me. Then she asked what the harm was in playing while my girlfriend was out of town.

I wish I could say that I handled that one with grace, style or aplomb, but I did none of those things. I actually think my jaw fell open for a moment. This girl was very attractive, and had I been single, I would have been totally on board. Instead, after recovering my composure I smiled and said "that's sweet, but no thanks" and I got up and left. Say what you want, women are definitely just as predatory as guys.

How to buy flowers and not be a chump

2007-11-14T17:31:22Z

A couple of caveats about this posting. First of all, I do not advocate buying flowers willy-nilly for any chick you're trying to win over. That's a pretty beta move and it smacks of desperation. Secondly, realize that buying flowers is a pretty big deal to most women. Be sure that you're making the right move and that you're aware of the implications. Understand? Let's begin.

Getting flowers, especially getting flowers at work is something that all women dream of. When the flower delivery comes into the office, every woman, even the single women put an eyeball on those flowers, hoping beyond hope that those flowers are coming to them. The woman actually getting the flowers is the envy and attention of the office. Every other woman will come by her desk and compliment her on her flowers, on the thoughtfulness of the guy who bought them all the while demonstrating that she's bitterly jealous. Women love other women to feel jealous. And that, my friends is where a carefully chosen floral arrangement comes in.

First of all, don't buy roses. Allow me to repeat: DO NOT BUY ROSES. Roses show a complete lack of originality. Yes, women do like roses but they like a guy who thinks for himself way more. Roses are expensive, they rarely last and frankly, most rose arrangements are ugly as sin. Don't waste your money when for the same price, you can send her something that will blow her away.

Step One: Organize yourself! Before you go into a flower shop, or call one, know exactly what you want, how much you want to spend, where it needs to go and what you want the card to say. Remember that you're going to be asking the florist to hook you up here and the best way to have that happen is to make sure to have your shit together. If you're sending flowers to her work, make sure you know the business hours. Have her phone number or the phone number of her work, the flower shop will need all these things.

Vased arrangements versus baskets is the first choice you'll have to make. Basket arrangements are very rustic and homey, but are usually the kinds of things that you see decorating old ladies' bedsides in nursing homes. Unless she's really down-home, go with a vase. The only decisions you need to make are, classic vased arragement, high style arrangement or tropical. Tropical arrangements tend to be pretty unique, but are very expensive and don't look nearly as full as other types. Unless your girl is EXTREMELY contemporary or you have a good reason for going tropical, stick to a classic or high style arrangement.

The florist knows what he or she has in stock. Don't get too particular about the varieties of flowers to go into the arrangement. If she has a particular favorite flower, be sure to mention that, but otherwise stick to discussions of colors, whether you want to evoke a certain feeling from the flowers. Some women absolutely love the look of wild flowers. Others much prefer a very cultured looking arrangements. In general, let the florist choose the flowers, with a little guidance from you on color, effect and specific flower requests.

Before you get off the line, the florist is going to want to get all the specific delivery instructions. Don't be a chode and ask when they'll be delivered or try to make sure they'll get there at a specific time. This is a real pain and you're guaranteed that the florist is going to hate you for even asking. Give them the information, if she leaves work at 4pm, let them know that and most good florists will do everything they can to get them there in time. Similarly, plan ahead. Don't call a few hours into the day and expect the florist to be able to make an arrangement and get it out the door. Most florists have cut-off times for same-day delivery. Part of the whole planning ahead concept is making sure you order in advance. This will make it easier for the florist to get in a specific flower type and will also guarantee that you'll get better flowers. If you order the same day, you may get whatever flowers are left over after the florist has made all the pre-ordered arrangements.

Lastly, price ranges. Most flower shops don't have set prices for things above and beyond standard arrangements. They price individual flowers by the stem and build an arrangement based on that amount. Thus, when you are ordering an arrangement of flowers, give the florist the amount of money you want to spend, less the delivery charge and tax, and they will go from there. Incidentally, if you order flowers from one shop, that will be delivered by another shop, the shop you order from will charge a wiring fee, so realize that in advance. It's best to order your flowers from the shop that will actually deliver them in order to maximize the value you get.

Other things girls like

2007-11-09T17:26:56Z

Random hand-holding for no good reason: While this is obviously kino escalation, hand-holding seems to have a deeper meaning as well. Taking her by the hand serves as a display to others that you and she are together. Whether this be just for a few minutes or for a lifetime, outward symbols are a good thing.

Hallmark cards: Girls love these more than you can possibly imagine. In the supermarket getting groceries? Swing by the card section, find something cute and appropriate. No complex notes are required, just a simple "thinking of you" or "I saw this and thought of you" is all you need. It says you were thinking of her and those thoughts inspired some sort of action.

Call her "beautiful" instead of "sexy" or "hot": I don't have a good explanation for this, but it works wonderfully. As a regular course of action, I tend to use "beautiful" as a pet name for my girlfriend. She is beautiful and she loves it when I call her that. I'm not going to try and figure it out. She likes it, that's all that matters.

Cold morning air

2007-11-02T13:29:32Z

There's a certain masochistic side of me that enjoys going from being very hot to very cold quickly. This manifests in things like sitting in a hot tub or sauna until I can't stand it and then jumping in a pool. When I was 14, I was in the Boy Scouts and had the opportunity to join the Polar Bear club, despite the requirement to run a couple miles down a the lake trail before being able to hit the water. Similarly, I love the feeling of walking out of the gym in the morning into that first blast of early morning chill. It's not quite cold enough yet for that chill to really bite, but its a very pleasant sensation and I'm just sick enough to love it.

This morning, while trudging to my car, I had the revelation that this sensation is really similar to the shift from nervous to excited that you get when an approach works out. All that nervous anxiety you have right before approaching a woman, all the split-second rehearsals, the inner dialogue trying to nerve yourself up to say something to her, all of that gets you completely tied up in knots. And then, the second she smiles and engages with you, all that nervousness melts away and you're excited about the prospect of where this encounter may go. As the enounter continues and escalates, the excitement gets higher too to the point where, when you're sliding into bed with her for that first time, you can barely contain yourself. I used to love that transition quite a bit, from nervous to excited. Now, of course, I've found new levels of things to be nervous and excited about, but that's another day.

Fun Games to that Girls Like

2007-10-30T20:52:54Z

These are some fun, teasing games you can play with girls in just about any locality. They're childish and so you get extra points for being cute when you play them. Girls love them:

The "C'mere" Game:

This game can be played with any girl that you have even a slight bit of rapport with. From across the room say "hey <insert name>, c'mere". When they then walk over to you and look at you expectantly, you say "oh, I just wanted to see if you'd come here". Reward them with a pat on the head (or butt) for being such a good girl.

The key to fun with this game is to play it over and over again. Make your requests more syrupy and teasing. Most girls figure out this game pretty quickly, but its amazing how many of them will play it over time.

The "You're not the boss of me" Game:

No matter what your relationship with a girl, at some point she's going to ask or tell you to do something. Even something as simple as "hand me that lighter". The fun response is to look at them challengingly and say "no, you're not the boss of me" and then turn your back to them. The usual responses are shock and giggles. Depending on the request, it can be parlayed into a thumb war or a wrestling match. Remember, play the sheer audacity card whenever possible.

"You're my second favorite ____________________":

Early into an encounter, and usually in the company of a group, be sure to tell a girl that she's your second favorite. . .whatever. It could be your second favorite blonde girl, your second favorite professor, your second favorite stripper, as long as it applies to something she does in the course of her life, its fair game. Just make that statement, sound as sincere as possible and let it hang. Smart girls will catch it and ask who your first favorite is. If this is left hanging for awhile, have a wing jump in with a similarly serious tone and ask for them. The response is simple: "oh well, everyone else is tied for first." Again, you should get groans and probably punched in the shoulder. And remember, in case you missed high school, girls hitting you is good.

Enumerating The Game Through Her Eyes

2007-10-24T16:19:38Z

A follow-on to my last post, I spoke in-depth with Aussie about her perceptions of the game I had been using to win her affection. It was all done in a very light hearted and teasing way, so I doubt she even realizes how serious and right on some of the discussion was. Frankly, I was impressed, and a little awestruck by how astute she was in breaking down the steps of the game as she perceived them. Here's how she saw things:

Stage One: Indifference. At this stage, I was interested, but not overly so. As though it didn't really make a difference to me if she and I hit it off or not. This made things much more of a challenge for her and introduced a lot of mystery into the relationship. Although she didn't come out and directly say it, this also gave me a perceived higher value because I wasn't falling all over myself trying to win her over. This is classic stuff that just about every pick-up artist/guru talks about. What's funny is that I wasn't doing it intentionally. When she and I first met, I was dating several women and sleeping with one, so I really was indifferent as to whether or not she and I hit it off.

Stage Two: Tempting and teasing. After I displayed more interest in her and aspects of our physical relationship came into play, she felt that I was very overtly teasing her with sex. While we didn't have sex right away, there was a lot of sexual contact that built up the tension, and she knew from various cues that when sex finally came into play, that it would be a noteworthy experience. I may have overdone this a little bit because she practically jumped me at one point, but our sex life has been mind-blowingly good. There are many good reasons not to jump right into a sexual relationship, building up sexual tension to the point where the woman jumps you is probably one of the lesser-known but best ones there is.

Stage Three: Open and honest communication. Now that our relationship has been pretty well set up, we talk honestly and openly about our relationship and how we're feeling. This isn't to imply that its a typical girlish gab-fest about our feelings and emotions, but she knows that when I share something about how I'm feeling, its honest and sincere. I'm also more willing to share details about previous relationships as they pertain to the current relationship. When we first got together, I rarely, if ever, mentioned ex-girlfriends other than to indicate that I had been out with many women in the course of my dating life. She implied this to mean that I've had a lot of sexual relationships as well, which is true, but I didn't elaborate on my sex life and still will not go into detail. Now I will reveal relevant comparisons between aspects of our current relationship and previous ones I've been in. I've spoken to her in-depth about a few serious girlfriends and she's done the same for me.

Stage Four: Best boyfriend ever. It was only a matter of time, but now she thinks I'm the best boyfriend ever. To quote her directly, I make her "feel like the luckiest girl in the world by both delivering on the sexual promises and also focusing [my] previously indifferent attention on [her] (particularly because [I am] so super selective)." That's really the capper. If you're going to put all this effort into seducing women and making ourself out to be a truly great guy, at some point you need to put your money where your mouth is and actually be able to deliver. How foolish would you feel if you actually won over some stunningly great woman only to fall short when really put to the test?

I want to be clear, these were her perceptions, and assumptions. I've never once told her that I've put a bunch of work into learning the art of seduction. Considering that, her perception is really right on. She broke down the game pretty well, without knowing it. What's interesting is that I could tell her, and probably will eventually, tell her all about this journey I've been on, and she'd not only have no problem with it, she'd be completely in favor of it. There would be no cause for shame or deception, she doesn't know that she has figured out a key secret to our relationship, but she also doesn't care. She likes who I am, how I make her feel and everything about how we've come together. She doesn't really regard this as a game, although she's mentioned it as such a few times. She honestly just loves where we are and is excited about where we're going. I am too. And really, that was the whole point of going through this exercise in the first place.

This has been a very interesting journey up to this point. I've gone through a lot of good and bad experiences. I don't regard myself as anything approaching a master pick-up artist, nor do I really want to be. I took some material, assimilated it into myself and was very successful. I don't know if this will be the end of my journey, I doubt it. Just because I've met my soul mate (which she very well may be), doesn't mean this is going to be an easy journey. Meeting and winning over an amazing woman is only the first battle. Slacking off now would be a disaster, and I still have so much to learn. It's the best game ever though.

the Book

2007-10-22T15:14:42Z

I had a funny conversation with Aussie the other night. Some guy had approached her using classic mystery method lines and it totally blew up in his face. As soon as I heard the line, I laughed and told her where it was from. She was pretty interested that I knew anything about the Mystery Method, especially after I pointed her to the Wikipedia page about it. The key was to not break frame or try to hide anything. The fact was that I hadn't used any Mystery Method stuff on her at all. Even so, I teasingly told her that the book I read about how to pick up women was way more sophisticated. Although she didn't take me completely seriously, she seemed pretty interested in the idea that I'd studied up on seducing women. I toyed with her about it, admitting nothing but denying nothing either. It was a lot of fun toying with her like that. At this point in our relationship, I could tell her every single thing about my journey to learn the fine art of dating and seduction and not only would she be totally understanding, she'd approve. As far as she's concerned, the book I read is the best book ever. I'm having a hard time arguing the point.